Sony fired the first shot in the Console War with its PS4-less conference. In episode 11 of Save File Corrupted?!, we gab about all of the PS4′s bits and pieces, save for the PS4 itself, of course. Still, there’s much to discuss such as; the ins and outs of the Dual Shock controller, Team Ico’s Last Guardian, how ‘useful’ the Six Axis was, how everyone having mics will effect the PS4′s online experience, trolling on PlayStation Home, backward compatibility, Kill Zone 4, Naughty Dog’s approval, and how much that conference needed KB, that’s Kevin Butler for you noobs.

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Upon receiving the devastating news that Megan Fox was cast to play April O’Neil in Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, the world, as expected, reacted bitterly. Across the globe TMNT fans responded collectively and symbolically, throwing down their makeshift turtle masks in a rage which stunk with betrayal. As if their own beloved ninja turtles had twisted the knife themselves.

It should come as no great surprise that a director known for wafer thin plots would cast an actress equally as vapid. I know that is no true solace to those who hold the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles near and dear to their hearts. However, if you can manage to step outside your scorn and disbelief you’ll begin to see the greater picture become unfurled. You see, this was not a path chosen by Michael Bay, but a path which chose him. I predict that not far from this day we’ll hear the most offensive rumorings; Shia LaBeouf being cast as Casey Jones or Adam Sandler cast as the voice actor for all four CGI alien ninja turtles.

As you shriek from your computer monitor with screams of blasphemy echoing for all to hear, I whisper with much trepidation that this film, if you will, shall sit atop Michael Bay’s filmography as his crown jewel. I know. It’s a tough pill to swallow but remain with me. I shalt leave you without proper explanation. Of course, TMNT will further sully the memory of yet another of the most beloved 80s icons. But it must be so.

To save the future, we must destroy the past.

The success of Michael Bay’s TMNT reboot will be so grandiose in proportions that Bay’s ego will reach levels never before achieved in cinema. He’ll marvel at his own magnificence and conclude that there’s simply nothing else he could possibly share with the world.

With no greater heights to climb and nothing more to underline his storied history, humbled by his own glory, he’ll return to that which he spawned from; the quaint town of Los Angeles. Michael Bay shall be adorned with unfathomable riches, immortalized in song and bejeweled with praise. A statue erected in his honor, will stand as a testament to his mastery of the arts. Speechless and touched, he’ll stare unblinking into the depths of his own self, embodied by the statue which stands before him: an infinite reflection of his achievement. Being so deeply invested in himself, he’ll be unable to move, unable to form proper thoughts, time will cease to have meaning, and suddenly the secrets of the universe will be known to him. Lost in a world of his creation, there’ll be no great wars, no great depression only an explosion of consciousness.

Years later, Michael Bay will be found, comatose but alive, feeding off of his own self-congratulatory esteem. Only one man will have the mantle to approach him, James Cameron. For only he has achieved the majesty of highest grossing movie, twice.

He’ll take Michael Bay’s hand, shaking and frail, and escort him to his underwater vessel. Without words being said, Bay will understand completely as he always has; he won’t survive the journey. He was never meant to. Once they’ve reached approximately 7 miles within the deep end of the planet, Michael Bay will look at James Cameron. James Cameron will look at him and in that instant Michael Bay will be transformed into beams of light and scatter out into the cosmos. For centuries to come, his films will be studied by the world’s greatest scholars for the brilliance they lent the world. But Michael Bay’s greatest gift won’t be his cinematic achievements, his visual excellence, not even his astonishing explosions. No, the greatest gift he’ll leave us will be that we’ll forever be without him. Never again will we be subjected to his gilded vision. Beloved 80s cartoons will forever be shielded from his poisonous touch. And every man, woman, and child will sleep all the more soundly…

- Prometheus

Right off the bat Tom Cruise has quite a bit going against him with Jack Reacher. Fans of the novel are quick to point out that the first thing we learn about Jack Reacher is that he’s described as 6’5″ and over 200lbs of solid muscle. Tom Cruise in contrast is 5’7” and arguably weighs no more than 170lbs. On top of that, people generally dislike Tom Cruise for a variety of reasons; he’s a “crazy Scientologist” and treated Oprah’s couch like Rick James would have. I preface my review this way because Tom Cruise carries a considerable amount of baggage. In my opinion, the most relevant reason why Jack Reacher may be disappointing is that it’s advertised as an action movie when in actuality it’s more of an action-thriller. While there are in fact bits of action littered throughout the movie, the movie moves at a considerably slow pace.

Jack Reacher is a former military police investigator who became a drifter and only “cares about what’s right”. This usually leads to Reacher pummeling or killing whoever he feels is in the wrong. I found it ironic that the trailer mentions that Reacher “doesn’t care about evidence” when in fact he’s actually an excellent detective. The “Who done it?” narrative helps elevate Jack Reacher from a simple mindless action flick.

The plot centers around the murders of 5 people who are killed seemingly at random. The prime suspect is former Army sniper, Barr (played by Joseph Sikora). The opening scene is especially powerful given the recent shootings. As the murders are investigated, we learn who the victims were which compounds the tragedy. Barr is given the “option” of taking a plea bargain serving a life sentence or receiving the death penalty. Barr responds by asking the DA to, “Get Jack Reacher”. And that’s about where Jack Reacher enters the picture.

While Jack Reacher reaches dark places at times, its also sprinkled with comedic bits here and there. There are a couple of bits which feel silly and somewhat out of place but they’re funny nevertheless. Jack Reacher himself is pretty damn cocky albeit witty which accounts for most of the comedy of the movie. One of the comedic gags is the sexual tension between Reacher and defense attorney Helen (played by Rosamund Pike). Well, more so Helen being smitten by Reacher and getting flustered by seeing him standing around shirtless.

I felt that the weakest parts of Jack Reacher were the movie’s antagonists. The main villain, The Zec (Played by Werner Herzog) in particular. The Zec feels a bit cartoonish in this world and seems like he would be better suited as a Bond villain. Once his motivation is revealed he feels that much more out of place and played up. The motivations of one of the other main villains is completely non-existent. I won’t spoil it since it’s important to the plot but it’s completely glossed over and never addressed. Most of the other villains that Reacher encounters are easily beaten up or killed, saved for the main henchmen, Charlie (played by Jal Courtney). He’s Reacher’s biggest threat and even then he still doesn’t live all that much longer than the other villains. He does, however, create an opportunity to include a completely unnecessary but enjoyable fight scene towards the end. The fight scenes, which are pretty few and far in between, are gritty and cringe worthy at times, in a good way. Another knock against Jack Reacher is that some of the plot twists are a bit predictable. That said, I wouldn’t say they were so predictable that they made the movie less enjoyable.

Only 5 of you? I need more chumps to beat up!
Overall, I would recommend Jack Reacher to anyone who enjoys a good detective story and doesn’t mind a few trite Hollywood movie cliches. The fighting is brutal and the car chases are exciting which are the hallmarks of what make this movie work. If you’re expecting to see something great, then you’re going to be disappointed. But if you’re looking to be entertained, then hop off your couch, borrow a muscle car and head out to the movies!

- Prometheus

With Wrath of the Gods marking the end of  Spartacus Vengeance we, at long last, witness Spartacus’ vengeance fulfilled! But Spartacus doesn’t get to all have all the fun, Naevia enacts some long awaited vengeance of her own. Lastly, we get to see just how good of friends Lucretia and Ilithyia really are. It may come as a surprise but you wouldn’t even want to be causal acquaintances with either of them.

Monsters concluded with Spartacus and his rebels holding up atop Mt. Vesuvius, with no food and no water, as Glaber waited for what he believed was to be his inevitable victory over Spartacus. Glaber had planned to wait until Spartacus and his rebels, through thirst and starvation, were desperate enough to launch an attack. As you can imagine, things don’t quite go the way that Glaber had hoped…

If it comes down to it, I want you to eat me.

Glaber’s plan does actually see some success. Acting without Spartacus’ orders, a handful of Spartacus’ rebels foolishly attempt to ambush Glaber’s soldiers who are guarding the pathway down the mountain. They’re horribly unsuccessful. Their timing couldn’t be worse as Ashur and the Egyptian gladiator had just arrived. They were however fortunate enough that Spartacus, and a few others, arrived just in time to save them from being killed. Unfortunately, in the midst of their rescue, Spartacus’ former bed buddy Mira caught an ax to chest meant for Spartacus. Sadly, Spartacus seems destined for bachelorhood.

So we’re broken up then?

After Ilithyia gets the bad news from Lucretia that she won’t be joining her in return to Rome because she was promised to Ashur, Ilithyia travels to Mt. Vesuvius to do what any bff would do. She is able to successfully convince Glaber that Ashur betrayed him and was responsible for Seppia’s attempt on his life. Glaber is initially skeptical but she convinces him by handing him Seppius’ golden twin snake armlet and explaining that Ashur turned his back on him when it appeared that there would be a shift of power towards Varinius. That’s funny coming from Ilithyia, since that’s exactly what she in fact did. Glaber decides that Ashur has run his course and for the hell of it, Ilithyia should get rid of Lucretia as well.

Ashur is completely shocked when Glaber confronts him and blames him for aiding Seppia in her attempt to kill him. Ashur attempts to leave peacefully, along with his gladitors, however Glaber makes them an offer, a thousand dinar for their loyalty to him. They switch sides instantly and bring Ashur to his knees. Glaber gives Ashur an opportunity to prove his loyalty; he instructs him to go alone and negotiate a surrender with Spartacus and his followers.

So all I have to do is survive certain doom and we’re cool, right?

Ashur informs Spartacus’ rebels that they will be allowed to live if they surrender, however they will only be allowed to live as slaves and only Spartacus himself will be put to death. Spartacus’ rebels colorfully express that they would rather die than surrender. Ashur makes a feeble attempt to leave but Crixus has been waiting a long time to get his hands on Ashur and invites him to stay a while longer. Crixus offers to send his decapitated head back to Glaber as their answer to his offer. Ashur continues to attempt to talk his way out of his impending death when Naevia chimes in, wanting to claim his life herself. Naevia has more than enough reason to want to kill Ashur. Back in Blood and Sand, Ashur forced himself on her after he was made Batiatus’s right hand man. Ashur toys with her for most of the fight but he becomes a victim of his hubris and lets his guard down instead of delivering the finishing blow. That mistake would lead to him getting stabbed in the crotch and decapitated.

You can only sweet talk your way out of so much before your misdeeds come to a head…

Lucretia engineering Ashur’s fate is not only fitting but also very ironic. If you recall when Ashur was interrogating Oenomaus, he mocked Oenomaus for allowing a woman to be his downfall. He even cautioned that the ruin of every great man is due to a woman. As clever as Ashur is, he too, couldn’t escape the same fate. I also found it ironic that despite all of Ashur’s guile and propensity for betrayal, he was absolute in his loyalty to Glaber, only to have his loyalty rewarded with death. Personally, I would have liked to have seen Crixus get to slap Ashur around a bit but ultimately it was most fitting for Naevia to be afforded the honors.

In the spirit of rewarding loyalty, Glaber also instructed Ilithyia to kill Lucretia. When Ilithyia and Lucretia return to the ludus Ilithyia attempts to do just that. While Lucretia stands at the edge of the cliff of the ludus, explaining to Ilithyia that she had lost all hope until Ilithyia became pregnant, Ilithyia hesitantly approaches her. She had intended to push her off the cliff, when her water breaks. Lucretia confirms that they are indeed the very best of friends after she viciously kills Ilithyia’s slaves. She then carves Ilithyia’s baby from her womb. Lucretia cradles the new born baby in her arms and teeters on the edge of the cliff, as Ilithyia crawls towards her attempting to stop her. Her efforts are fruitless as Lucretia jumps off of the cliff, plummeting to her death; joining her late husband and unborn child. In disbelief, among what I’m sure were a myriad of emotions, Ilithyia collapses. And is more than likely dead. Why Glaber thought it would be a good idea to send his pregnant wife to kill Lucretia is beyond me.

And here I thought Lucretia was only faking her madness

Spartacus mourns Mira’s death but he is unable to burn her body since the only vegetation on the mountain are vines. However, Mira’s death wasn’t entirely in vain. It leads to Spartacus devising a brilliant plan; one the Romans would never suspect. His plan is to weave the vines together, rappel from atop the mountain and attack the Romans from behind. It’s interesting to note that although the plan may seem over-the-top and unrealistic, it’s surprisingly historically accurate. Spartacus, Gannicus, Crixus and Agron rappel down the mountain ambushing the unsuspecting Romans below.

Trust me guys, I go base diving all the time.

Spartacus and his men dispatch of the Romans like clockwork. They then seize control of their catapults and use them to set the Roman’s camp on fire. With death and hellfire raining from the skies, the Roman’s scramble to regroup. Spartacus, Gannicus, Crixus and Agron square off against the whole of Glaber’s forces. That’s when the rest of Spartacus’ men counter attack from the side, effectively giving Glaber’s plan a unceremonious kick to the balls. And the final battle commences.

Spartacus’ forces press on, with victory in their grasp. Oenomaus however does not live long enough to see its end as the Egyptian gladiator who earlier took his eye, finishes what he started. Gannicus decides that it would be a good time to kill the Egyptian gladiator once and for all and does so pretty damn easily. Glaber’s forces retreat but Spartacus’ forces are close behind. Spartacus cuts down Roman after Roman enroute to Glaber.

This is probably isn’t the best time, but Melitta really rocked my world

Glaber manages to survive a few sword swings from Spartacus before Spartacus forces Glaber to swallow his sword. And with that, Spartacus finally puts an end to the man who captured him and his wife Sura, sold them into slavery, leading to her eventual demise. With that killing blow, the battle is over and the rebels celebrate their victory over seemingly impossible odds.

I’m sorry. Were you saying something? I couldn’t hear you with my sword in your mouth

- Prometheus

So how ’bout we get to know each other over some formula and a warm bath

Spoiler Alert! T-Dog spoke his last lines in this episode. Which sadly means that I’ll have to find another character to be the butt of my jokes. Tragic I know. On a serious note, this recap is laden with even more spoilers, so if you don’t want to know what happens then I highly suggest you watch Season 3: Episode 4 – Killer Within before reading this. You’ve been warned.

Let’s be honest, is anyone even going to miss them?

I don’t need to tell you that Killer Within was an intense episode but I’m going to anyway. Killer Within kicked things up to 11 and is easily the most intense episode of the series, bar none. We not only see two main characters (I’m going to grant T-Dog main character status) die but they both die in particularly horrific fashions, with Lori easily getting the worst of it. To say that Rick and the rest of the survivors can’t catch a break would be more than just a little bit of an understatement.

It’s safe to say that this episode isn’t for the faint of heart

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. T-Dog almost became a relevant character in this episode, but instead his ascension to become a character with important lines was cut short. He, like the waxed winged Icarus, flew too close to relevancy before being snuffed out in an unceremonious fashion. T-Dog stood as the lone dissenting voice among the group as they argued about whether or not to allow the two surviving inmates to join their group.

It not just that we don’t like you but we can’t be seen with someone sporting a silly hipster mustache or having such a contradictory name

The two surviving inmates weren’t enjoying their rotting corpse filled housing accommodations and wanted to shack up with Rick and his buddies. So, in-line with honoring democratic traditions, they put it to a vote. Not unexpectedly, T-Dog was out voted in a landslide defeat, everybody but him-to-one. Regardless, this still stands as an achievement for T-dog as it was the most relevant thing he had done since dropping the handcuff key in season one.

If nothing else we can take solace knowing even in death T-Dog managed to make a silly face 

 
Wait. Did I say two surviving inmates? Well, remember that asshole Andrew? It turns out that he wasn’t devoured like an hors d’oeuvre after all. It’s unclear how he managed to survive his seemingly certain doom and it’s even more unclear how he managed to survive long enough outside of the prison to hunt a deer, chop it to pieces and lay its bloody heart out like a welcome mat for Walkers to snack on. One would imagine if he had that kind of ingenuity as well as survival skills, he would have forgone revenge against Rick and do what he’s been wanting to do since he was placed behind bars; walk away a free man. Well you know what they say, you can take an inmate out of the prison but you can’t take the prison out of an inmate. Okay, I’ve never actually heard somebody say that but it’s still applicable to this situation. Andrew’s brilliant plan was to open the perimeter fence of the prison and sound the alarm, thereby attracting every Walker within ear shot to create complete chaos inside what was once a relatively safe place to live.

Hey Rick, lemme ax you a question!

Needless to say his plan didn’t quite work. He did manage to lure Rick into his trap and ambush him in the generator room and he even managed to give Rick a run for his money with the fisticuffs. But ultimately, his scheme came to dead stop when Big Tiny got a hold of Rick’s gun and shot Andrew in the head. Big Tiny arguably secured a place in Rick’s group when he put Andrew out of our misery.

Before you take that shot, I just want you to know that I was totally for you joining us

Now, I may be guilty of teasing that T-Dog was a completely useless character but, with the return of Merle, it was starting to look like there was potential for him to be involved in a story that was actually important. Nope. Instead T-Dog was bitten during the chaos and used his last moments to help Carol escape to safety. We don’t actually get to see what happens to Carol, only her scarf is recovered. At first I had assumed that she died, but upon a second watch it appears that she’s probably roaming around somewhere. Probably regretting that she wasted all that time playing doctor. I feel like the nature of T-Dog’s death was akin to punishment for him having the opportunity to speak a few relevant lines, being that he didn’t just get bitten but he had his throat ripped out by a Walker.

In my professional opinion, he’ll never sing barber shop quartet again

 
Well T-Dog wasn’t the only person who departed The Walking Dead showered in his own blood, Lori too left a bloody mess. There were several interesting things about Lori’s death. For one, we really should have seen it coming. I mean even Lori herself pretty much predicted it in the Season Premiere. She feared that she would die during child birth and that’s essentially what happened. That said, I’m sure she didn’t expect to be given a C-section with a hunting knife but hey, they’re living in tough economic times. It’s also interesting to note that after being completely dismissive of Lori post-Shane love triangle, when all hell broke loose, Rick’s primary concern was for Lori. Not for any other member of the group, not even for his son Carl. It just goes to show that no matter how much of a bitch your significant other may be, you should cherish the time you have with them because you never know when they’re going to have their love child gruesomely cut from their womb.

This is probably a bad time to mention this, but I can barely color inside the lines

As sad as Lori’s death was. Yes, her death was sad. Okay, not so much because she died, but because of how she died. I mean, she survived a zombie Apocalypse only to succumb to substandard medical treatment. I mean, it’s nearly as bad as dying in a helicopter crash. But I digress, what was sadder than Lori’s death is the amount of therapy Carl is going to need after not only watching his mother die but having to blow her brains out to prevent her from becoming a Walker.

Damnit Lori, had you only not slept with my best friend, we wouldn’t be in this mess

On the less blood curdling side of things, we get to see The Governor do his thing and continue to charm Andrea. Who knew that alcohol and a winning smile were all it took to melt the ice around Andrea’s heart. Michonne on the other hand doesn’t have the same prescription of douche bag glasses that Andrea is wearing and her suspicion only grows. Michonne investigates the military vehicle that The Governor swiped from the National Guard troops and finds several holes in The Governor’s story.

Get it? Holes.

It’s very fitting that this episode aired two days before election day because the way The Governor was giving canned responses to Michonne’s questions and later denying Merle’s request to find his brother would have made any seasoned politician blush. Had the title of “Governor” been attained through an election there’s no doubt The Governor would have sleazed his way into power via the ballot box.

On the bright side, not everybody had a completely horrible day in this episode…

You ready for round 2 Maggie? The world ain’t gonna repopulate its self.

- Prometheus

Ah, episode 33, the episode that nearly never was. You, listener, may never know the trials and tribulations we went through to bring you this delectable addition of Straight Outta Austin! You would have missed out on us geeking out over Shinichiro Watanabe’s two new anime, and yes a new Cowboy Bebop series is one of them! Not to mention our priceless reactions to the ever prevalent shenanigans in the state of Florida. And most precious of all, we have an absolute laugh riot at the expense of Frank Miller’s girlfriend going..wait for it…batshit crazy!

Right click to download Straight Outta Austin – Episode 33 – Never Again

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The late Notorious B.I.G. once cautioned, “…that a killing is thrilling. [and] All the blood spilling, is all a part of drug dealing”. The dealings of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original (SAMCRO) are no exception. Through 4 seasons of “Hamlet on Motorcycles” they’ve piled up bodies on both sides of the law. While numerous people have died as a direct result of their dealings; some definitely deserved to die more so than others. Others still, were practically begging for it.

As that stands, I’ve highlighted 5 of the Most Satisfying Kills which occurred from seasons one through four of Sons of Anarchy.

Number Five – Georgi Caruso:

Not that I’m in a position to critique, but those boots could really use some polish.

Like many who SAMCRO have had run-ins with, Georgi Caruso is a scum bag. But unlike many of the other scum bags who they’ve dealt with, Caruso’s actions not only continue to have serious repercussions for the club, but have devastated the already tragic life of Otto Delaney.

It would be a gross understatement to say that Otto Delaney has had a hard life. Georgie Caruso is, in large part, to thank for the latter half of Otto’s misery. As if Otto serving a life sentence and being nearly blind in both eyes wasn’t bad enough, Caruso took away the last thing that kept Otto going; his wife. Adult performer turned adult film producer, Luann Delaney was beaten to death in retaliation for SAMCRO encroaching on Caruso’s smut peddling business. Caruso not only robbed Otto of someone he loved but he robbed the world of films most cherished.

While Georgie Caruso was able to cheat death once, he eventually got his comeuppance and Bobby Elvis did the honors. Caruso’s film career came to an abrupt end, in the trunk of his car, pumped full of bullets.

Let’s not get too hasty fellas! I’ll cut you a deal, 50% off any DVD in the store. Okay, okay, 65%!  But I won’t go a percent higher than that!

Number Four – Agent Kohn:

One’s affections aren’t always expressed with roses and chocolates, some people prefer a pillow and a Glock 17.

Ah, Agent Kohn. I don’t know if I would have been nearly as addicted to Sons of Anarchy had it not been for Agent Kohn. ATF Agent John Kohn is Tara’s psycho ex-boyfriend. She really knows how to pick ‘em, amirite? He’s an obsessive stalker and megalomaniac, but when he’s first introduced you wouldn’t have guessed it. He appears credible, trust worthy even. Kohn travels to Charming to stalk Tara, under the guise that he’s investigating SAMCRO. His plan is eventually discovered and he has his ass handed to him courtesy of Jax. Despite having the stern response of ”not interested” beaten into his face, Kohn goes MIA from the ATF and returns to Charming and continues stalking Tara. His creepiness hits a crescendo when, after attempting to rape Tara, he asks Tara if they can “start fresh.” He wants her to explain to him why their relationship had gone awry and what she would like for him to change about himself. Tara asserts that shooting him in the stomach is the best way to start the healing process. As Agent Kohn lies on the floor bleeding, likely wondering if he had perhaps come on too strong, Tara calls Jax for help. Once Jax arrives he executes a permanent restraining order with a well placed bullet to the head. And here we had been lead to believe that Jax was “…too pretty to be a killer.”

To be honest, that wasn’t even for Tara. That was for making a playlist with nothing but “Can’t Get Used to Missing You” on it!

Number Three – Jimmy O:

Oh that’s right, I know how you got those scars!

When I think of Jimmy O’Phelan better known as “Jimmy O”, I immediately think O’ that smug bastard. It wouldn’t be much of stretch to say that “cool, calm and collected” would be his alliterated phrase of choice. It doesn’t take long for Jimmy O to reveal the kind of asshole that he is. It turns out that he has a not so pleasant history with the ever lovable “Chibs”. He had “Chibs” booted out of the Real IRA, banished him from Ireland, and is responsible for the scars on his face. To add insult to injury he married Chibs’ wife Fiona and adopted his daughter, Kerrianne. Few characters have shown up in Sons of Anarchy who I’ve wanted to see die after the first time they open their mouth. Jimmy O solidified his death worthiness when he threatened to kill Fiona and insinuated that he wanted to show Chibs’ daughter his Jimmy “O face”.

What was that about showing Kerrianne your “Jimmy”?!

Jimmy O must get off on messing with people’s family since he was also the asshole responsible for keeping Jax from finding his kidnapped son throughout season 3. Long story short, Jimmy O thankfully gets what’s coming to him after he’s double crossed by some sneaky f-n’ Russians. “Chibs” gives Jimmy O the ”Glasgow smile”, returning the favor for the cosmetic surgery he once gave him. “Chibs” then stabs Jimmy O to death putting his smugness to rest for good.

Number Two - AJ Weston:

I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, this isn’t Chuck E Cheese!
AJ Weston didn’t make this list for being charismatic, or even menacing, but for embodying a truly worthless human being. Weston is a member of the white separatists group, the League Of American Nationalists (LOAN), who have decided that Charming is in need of makeover. But in order to whitewash Charming, SAMCRO needs to be removed as an obstacle. If the characters in Sons of Anarchy were pieces on a chess board Gemma would undoubtedly be the queen. And like Chess, when the queen is taken out of the picture, then the king is that much more vulnerable. Weston, acting as the pawn of Ethan Zobelle, kidnaps and rapes Gemma. Once Gemma informs the club of what happened, Weston is officially on borrowed time. Before long, SAMCRO catches up to Weston and Jax lays his vengeance upon him. Weston gets a proper send off to the afterlife; riddled with bullets in the restroom of a tattoo parlor. There was something strangely dignified about Weston’s death. He didn’t beg, cry, plead for his life or even attempt to fight back. He simply accepted his fate as it was dealt to him. Had he only been so dignified in life, perhaps his would have lasted longer.

To be fair our plan made sense, on paper at least 

Number One – Agent Stahl:

Quit Stahlin’ Opie!

Now onto my favorite antagonist of the series thus far, Agent June Stahl. If Agent Stahl had been a cop in Farmington rather than an ATF Agent in Charming she would have been the perfect love interest for Vic Mackey. Her resume is not all that dissimilar to his. Agent Stahl framed Gemma for a murder she herself committed, a murder which lead to the death of SAMCRO prospect “Halfsac”. On top of that, she killed her own partner, and I mean partner in both the professional and the bedroom sense. As if her hands weren’t stained with enough blood, she set Opie up to look like he had sold out SAMCRO, knowing that her scheme would get him killed. Although Opie survived, at least physically, his wife was mistakenly killed in his place; she was shot in the back of the head with bullets meant for him. It was only fitting that Agent Stahl would share the same fate. Before Opie kills her he orders her to grab the steering wheel, then speaks the last thing she’d ever hear, “This is what she felt.” Opie then splatters her brains on the front windshield echoing the manner which his wife Donna died.

Correction, the last thing she heard was the sound of the MAC-10 going off
- The “Ridin’ Through This World All Alone” Prometheus

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Collect calls aren’t the only unsavory thing which take place in a phone booth, in Straight Outta Austin! - Episode 32 we uncover its seedy underbelly.Additionally, we discuss Hobbits, candy corn, the gorgeous Naomi Kyle, and reminisce on the worst “hits” of the 90s. Most importantly, those handsome gentleman above will be Austin Comic Con! 

Right click to download Straight Outta Austin – Episode 32 – Phone Booth

Meanwhile, in the hall of justice…

Take heed PtWoRlords, the zombie Apocalypse is upon us. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But in the odd chance that it does actually happen author Max Brooks wants you to be prepared by purchasing his book, The Zombie Survival Guide. What? You already have it safely tucked away under your pillow? Well pry that bad boy out and make your way down to St. Edwards University and get your book signed.

Because every knows that signed memorabilia is just as devastating to a zombie as a kill shot to the head. 

Friends don’t let friends drink liquid nitrogen. And bartenders who aren’t complete jackoffs don’t serve people xenomorph-like concentrated acid and pass it off as a beverage. Sadly, knowledge of this was not communicated a teenage girl who had to have her stomach removed after gulping down two “Nitro Jagermeister” cocktails.

Does that look even remotely safe to drink?

Many men enjoy large derrieres. And when confronted about their affinity for a woman’s posterior they can be nothing but honest about it. Well High school students are not exempt from this. So much so that one student took it upon himself to attempt to artificially augment his teacher’s buttocks by slipping 3 capsules of GluteBoost into her morning coffee. To be fair, there are certainly worse things that could happen to your butt when coffee’s involved.

That “doctor” isn’t holding her hand out to squeeze those cheeks, but to collect your foolish spent money
Remember how awesome David Blaine’s Street Magic was?! And how everything he’s done since then has been dull and not even remotely entertaining? Well, his next trick is no different. ForBlaine’s next trick he’ll be making Tesla Coils look completely uninteresting.

The last entertaining thing I’ve seen David Blaine do.

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